#4. Meaning. Finding purpose in life.
6 min read. 
On this ‘5 Habits of Happiness’ blog series, we’ve talked about having a glass half full mentality, doing the things that bring us joy and building better relationships. This time, our guest blogger Samantha Dholakia, writes about Meaning on the 4th step of this happiness journey.
“During my time working in education, one of the biggest shifts I worked towards making for all children is that of being told what and how to think! Trying to inspire them without asking their likes and dislikes or what they would like to achieve, is one of the biggest and most common barriers to learning. The result being a lack of confidence and resilience! So, if we have grown up being told how, what, why and when, how can we truly find our inner meaning? “
Samantha Dholakia, SPD Tuition & Coaching.
Meaning is one of life’s most important motivators and yet so many of us take so long to find it. As I mentioned, throughout our education and as we grow up, our meaning is all mapped out for us. We are given all we need to know from school, home, college, and even perhaps university - moment to moment, day to day, week to week and year to year.
And suddenly it is gone! The path is whipped away, and the guidance disappears.
With no clear path laid out, life can begin to lack clarity and meaning, and you can be filled with the feeling of lost purpose which has a monumental impact on our overall happiness. The concept of meaning is important; it inspires us, drives us, propels us, grounds us and engages us. When we have meaning we forge our own pathway even when there may be barriers to overcome and changes to be made.
What is meaning?
Meaning is purpose, it is what we believe we are here in the world to do and achieve. It is the thing that gets us up in the morning. As new mums, our purpose and meaning can be completely thrown up in the air. It can feel that it’s now totally at the hands of our new little one and that we now exist purely for them. This might be true in part, but as they grow in age and independence we can expand on our meaning and we can start to get back or begin to move forward with that self-purpose we either once had or now desire.
Some people seem to be simply born with that true purpose, having everything they hold dear aligned with their goals and the life they want to create. With this strong sense of meaning comes a strong sense of self. This impacts the way in which they describe themselves as human beings, and ultimately the way they show up in, and perceive the world around them. This outlook develops a more confident assertion in life, supporting them in hungrily grabbing opportunities and therefore creating the life they always knew they wanted. On the other hand, people that don’t know what they want to do tend to put functionality first whilst deliberating on what their meaning truly is; they find work that pays the bills, this has its own purpose but provides less of that inner excitement, motivation and creates less of that feel-good chemical dopamine. It can also provide less and less connection to the world.
Yep, you guessed it, this means that those amongst us with a strong sense of meaning and purpose in life are much happier. This is simply because, when we are operating in line with what we feel to be our true meaning we are rewarded with the release of dopamine!
So, whether it is fulfilment through the work we are doing, our leisure activities or even meaningful hobbies, both adults and children are happier when they feel that what they are doing is making a difference (big or small).
All this said, finding our meaning and purpose can be tricky if we don’t have it naturally. As adults, finding that purpose may feel like a heavier task when you are juggling so much already. I am not suggesting we all quit our day jobs and throw total caution to the wind without a care for our responsibilities. But finding our meaning in even the smallest areas of our lives can make huge contributions to our daily happiness. Taking the steps to uncovering our purpose and supporting our children to uncover theirs is life changing!
What does this mean for our children?
As parents, encouraging our children to try different activities may not be child-led, but it offers them options to begin to explore their passions and, later, their purpose. This means that children find what they love; they find meaning at a young age.
Let’s work to support our children in finding their meaning; to help them avoid going through the meaningless motions of simply completing the objectives at school and following that laid out pathway that pushes them along. Let’s help them to challenge the purpose given to them by those around them and to confront society’s version of success, because true passion and meaning is not always easy to translate into a job description.
I for one don’t want my little boy to give up on his passions just because it cannot be a job. So many of us scrap our dreams only to do a job in a totally different field because we are unable to combine reality and reach. But the best news is that there are always ways to keep our passions alive!
As new mums our desires change, and this can lead to us feeling that we need to opt for functionality over dreams and convenience over career. But I can’t help but wonder; what happens to our self-worth and inner meaning with this huge shift?
The questions that we all ask ourselves…
Can we truly have it all and be the best mums we can be?
How can we bring together meaning and stability?
I believe the answer is absolutely YES, we CAN have it all. It is just HOW we do it that varies for each of us.
