#3. Better Relationships.
6 min read. This is the third article on our ‘5 Habits of Happiness’ series. If you missed the first two steps you can find them here: Step 1. Positive Emotion. and Step 2. Engagement. Do what you love.
One of the most important things we have in our lives are the connections we make with the people around us. We all have a wide range of relationships in our lives, from our parents, children and intimate relationships, to our relationships with friends, work colleagues and acquaintances.
As time goes on, we will have all experienced both positive and not so positive relationships; each one impacting the way we feel, both in the moment and potentially in the future.
So, why are our relationships important to happiness and well-being?
The fact is, positive relationships give us a feel-good factor. This is because, as humans, we are all wired to want, need and crave connection… Like many animals, human survival once depended on being part of a group. It gave us protection from animals, offered opportunities to share resources, and of course made hunting and reproduction more successful.
This sense of belonging is primal, which makes it fundamental to not only our well – being, but our happiness!
As we experience different relationships, we are bound to also experience the proverbial rough patches in life. These can, of course impact those relationships; they may feel strained and at times challenging. This unstable feeling in our connections impacts the happiness we feel; if you look back over your relationships, can you spot patterns in your happiness with relationships you have had?
How can we keep our relationships strong?
The answer is simple but challenging; show up in the same way you did at the very beginning. The way we engage with people at the start of any relationship tends to be at our very best – those first impressions count, right?
If as humans we are wired to socially connect and need it to be happy, why do we allow our relationship stamina to fade away?
This is something that I have recently begun to look at in my own life, and mamas, the shift in my marriage has been GREAT! I’m not talking about physical connection, although this is of course important in any intimate relationship, I am talking about the little things. The things that I once did to show my husband appreciation, kindness and vulnerability. One of the biggest shifts (and probably the hardest one) has been making the time; making the time to stop and check in with each other between nap times, nappies, work and running the house; and the best part of it has been that he too has felt this shift, felt more engaged and content, making his own changes to do the same for me in return!
These shifts don’t just happen, we make them happen, consciously and persistently until, of course, they become habit. They also apply to friendships and family relationships outside of our homes, picking up the phone to check in, dropping that text or going for that walk with the people in your life that you appreciate, has the same effect – remember that our brains and bodies need it!
However, it’s important to remember and accept that the nature of relationships change over time, people that are hugely important to you through one life chapter may take a back seat in the next, and this is absolutely normal. It is actually very healthy to let go of some relationships that might be bringing us down or making us feel not so good about ourselves.
Relationships are there to serve us in positive and purposeful ways – which vary as life changes and adapts.
Technology makes this even more possible, having both a positive and negative impact, it can both aid our connections whilst hindering our relationships. It is true that we are better connected to the people around the world than EVER! But with people opting to send a text over picking up the phone for a chat, calling rather than meeting up or even multitasking whilst on the phone and not engaging with those that stand in front of you, the truth is that it is also having an indisputably negative impact on making and sustaining MEANINGFUL relationships.
This is especially true for our young people and children, who, now more than ever are interpreting social media relations as deeper and more meaningful than they actually are. Children as young as 6 and 7 are comparing each other’s lives online and feeling isolated, disappointed and low in self-esteem – which is all having a huge impact on their mental health! Stripping back and taking control of these superficial elements in life is so important!
With all that we are battling right now - whether it is being a new mum, the current world situation, juggling work and home, home-schooling, feeling the pressures of society with regards to returning to our careers or finding more flexible work, or even what to do about childcare - we are missing that connection. I for one had felt that decline in social interaction as I became buried under all of the overwhelming thoughts, feelings and decisions I felt had to be prioritised, at times physically feeling that happiness dwindling away.
So, let’s focus on what is in the now, what is in our control and how we can create even a little bit of happiness daily, for ourselves and our families!
