#2. Engagement. Do what you love mama.
6 mins readOur guest blogger Sam Dholakia shares the second step of her ‘5 Habits of Happiness’ compilation. Join Sam’s free Facebook community for support along this journey!
Habit No. 2 - Engagement activities
The way we engage with the things in our lives has a huge impact on our happiness; and the activities we enjoy of course vary from person to person.
This said, how many of us can say, hand on heart, that we regularly take part in activities we are passionate about? I’m talking about the type of activities that we enjoy so much that time disappears; we are so completely absorbed and elated.
I for one have noticed a huge decline in how much time I spend doing these sorts of things since having my son. Before motherhood, I LOVED to paint, swim, read and go to the gym and I did these activities weekly if not daily. For a while I was impressed if I managed to take a bath by myself, let alone manage to read or paint (fortunately I couldn’t feel guilty about swimming and going to the gym as they have been taken off the agenda!).
As mummies we can often forget how much we enjoy escaping into a book or going for that run. This is because we enter survival mode; focusing on our basic needs of trying to find time to eat, sleep and if we are lucky, watch a film or an episode of the series we have been nursing for weeks.
I know that this might feel completely out of reach and I admit, there is no magic Mary Poppins click-of-the-fingers. But what does this survival mode mean for our well-being and mental health? And, is it sustainable?
The answer is loud and clear. It is not good for our well-being, it is not conducive to maintaining good mental health and - yes, you’ve guessed it - it is not sustainable!
The less we engage in these activities, the less of that feel-good chemical, dopamine, is released into our brains.
The impact of this is tangible; it lowers the levels of happiness we allow ourselves to experience, which of course not only impacts our own well-being but also that of our families.
During the early days, months and even years our child(ren) need almost all of our attention, leaving us with very little time for ourselves, this is normal and will change as they grow older and start being more independent. But, in order to sustain good mental health - to stop ‘surviving’ and take back control - it is important that we make conscious and active decisions.
We must actively decide what to do and where, when and why we do it, even with the little time on our hands, because this commitment allows us to feel empowered and energised giving us the ability to thrive.
So, why does engagement matter so much?
During true engagement we tend to use our natural strengths; they are low effort, free-flowing activities that create happiness and allow us to lose ourselves. This is when we truly engage with ourselves and our inner happiness.
Making time for these activities not only promotes happiness, but the commitment you make to yourself also builds personal trust. All too often we learn not to trust ourselves, as we are the first person we let down when working through the ever-growing ‘to do’ list. Our needs are often sacrificed over the rest of that list. This in itself has a huge impact on how we think about ourselves and the identity we create to define ourselves. We will look deeper into this another time as it’s a WHOLE other (big!) area, but it does link closely to this one.
Bottom line: be conscious of how you treat yourself and be active in the decisions you make for yourself. I always suggest to all of my clients that they treat themselves in the same way they do their closest friend; trust me it is hard to do without practise!
The concept of engagement is that of total immersion. True engagement leaves no room for multitasking. It’s that idea of being so utterly engrossed in something that time itself runs away and you are totally lost to the world. Activities such as reading, running, swimming, singing or painting all provide us with this type of escapism. So many adults lose this over time and struggle to maintain this type of engagement in life.
Ultimately, we stop doing the things we love and replace them with the things we need to do.
As life gets in the way, we lose the feeling of engagement, of excitement, of immersion and are left with the feeling of necessity, responsibility, and sometimes even resentment for those we love. Especially as our children grow, we can become absorbed into their loves, their engagement, and their excitement – leaving little time and mind space for our own.
Now, don’t get me wrong, we can find happiness in our children’s happiness, of course. However, it is not sustained and does not elicit the same emotions as the activities you do for you. When we have our hobbies and activities, they can be an extremely helpful tool that we can use in tough times to take a breather.
Once we can do this effectively for ourselves, we can teach our children. You can encourage them to do their activity when you see they are struggling in the moment, allowing them to step out of the situation and return to it in a ready state of mind.
So, here it is Mama, your
ENGAGEMENT CHALLENGE
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1. Take a moment to find your engagement activity
What do you love? What do you get pure enjoyment from?
Think about the things you used to do before you had your baby, the children, took that job, became a housewife…. when you were younger and had the time. Perhaps you even need to go as far back as school, or as college or university.
Whether it was art, drama, reading, writing or physical activity, if you began taking part in it once more you would get those same feelings back again.
That utter enjoyment!
2. Find the time to do what you love mama
Look for as many opportunities to practise your engagement activity as you can
Choose the days and times that work best for you so you can start incorporating it into your daily/weekly routines.
Identify your character strengths and how they shine through in different ways while you perform your engagement activity.
Keep track of your habits. This may feel unusual to begin with but keep going; habits take time and practise.
Do this for you and then your children. Even as a new mum, you are forming the habits that will form the foundations for family life, these steps can support you in creating the life that you envision. Because having that balance is critical to creating sustainable happiness in life.
So, practise that regular state of engagement, practise those positive emotions and start to feel that happiness hormone, dopamine, kick in. It is so powerful!
Remember, head over to our Free Facebook group for support along this journey.
