#5. Accomplishment. Small wins matter.
7 min read. 
We are onto the fifth step to happiness.
If you have been following these steps and using the support resources (you will find them over in our FREE Facebook group), then you will have already begun to imbed some of these simple but powerful steps and will be on your journey to creating more happiness in your life already! If not, what are you waiting for? There is nothing more important in life than our happiness!
Our achievements have the ability to shift our moods, motivate and stimulate us which not only impacts us, but also improves our relationships with others…
Samantha Dholakia, SPD Tuition & Coaching.
There are two types of accomplishments in life; the ones set and achieved by us and the ones achieved by us but set by others. Goals set by other people are not always in line with our passion or purpose, which means they don’t provide us with the same dose of that happiness hormone dopamine, that we get if we achieve the goals we have personally set. When we set ourselves important, meaningful goals we are much more likely to achieve them, and when we do, the feelings of happiness are immense.
So, if you are looking for more happiness in your life, start looking at your accomplishments and goals. Are they set by you, for you and most importantly… are they in line with your meaning and purpose?
One of the most powerful habits of happiness, and so critical to how we feel, is getting things done and making things happen.
Take this blog for example, I set myself the goal of writing a series of blogs - and I feel great as I type them because I am accomplishing it. The fact that I have already achieved the first four blogs in the series is also a great motivation as I type this one; I already know the dopamine hit is coming because I have felt that happiness before. The fact is that achievements help us to feel good about ourselves, and let’s face it, as new mummies even finding time for those small goals feels like a huge achievement in itself.
Our achievements have the ability to shift our moods, motivate and stimulate us which not only impacts us, but also improves our relationships with others – which we know is another huge step to happiness. (Happiness habit no. 3.)
How do we maximise our opportunities for achievement when we are so heavily restricted on time and freedom?
With this in mind, we need to make sure that we are getting satisfaction and happiness in life wherever possible. Setting both basic and purpose-based goals allows us more daily opportunities for achievement, helping us to ensure that we are not just muddling through life. Shifting to this mindset takes practise and can support us in realigning with our purpose and meaning (Happiness habit no. 4). Above all, it increases our opportunities for success.
This said, the type of accomplishments we achieve makes a difference to how we feel. Simply put, the bigger the goal achieved the bigger the dopamine hit. However, we can set ourselves up for consistent and frequent happiness boosts through the small accomplishments too. For example, chores such as the washing up, ironing, hoovering , washing clothes can provide us with those mini hits of happiness throughout the day - providing our mindset is right.
Getting that mindset in place is crucial when it comes to maximising the small doses of happiness available to us. For those of you that have been working on the previous habits, you will have been working on this already; that’s it, an optimistic mindset (Happiness habit no. 1) which in the current global situation is fundamental to our well-being. If we are not setting tasks up as mini goals, that small dopamine boost is a drop in the ocean as we are focussing our energy on the larger goals and dreams that we have either not yet achieved or we cannot be achieved right now.
The great news is that this will change! As we begin to step back out into the world and are able to start focussing again on those bigger goals and dreams, we will be able to once again feel aligned with our mission and purpose, receiving much larger dopamine hits through the things that truly matter to us. This in turn will have a magnified effect on our well-being.
As a new mum, this is not always easy either and may still not be at the pace you once had. After having my son, I for one found that I had to readjust what a realistic goal was in terms of time - making some goals long-term aspirations - and making my peace with the frustrations I had created for myself by not allowing for a change of purpose with my new reality and role as a mummy. Embracing change can be challenging but what we do for ourselves now, we do for our children as they grow and develop.
How then do we help our children to experience their own sense of achievement?
As I mentioned before, the sense of achievement, and therefore the levels of happiness, are far greater when we set meaningful goals for ourselves. This can be tricky for our children, especially as they are often directed by the adults around them, meaning that their goals are predominantly set for them by parents or teachers. Their day-to-day achievements mostly consist of things such as chores, spelling, maths and reading which ultimately teaches them the concept of achievement through the lens of other people’s desires. This prevents them from learning inner motivation and experiencing the feelings associated with achieving those big meaningful and purposeful goals that give us all such great pleasure! We are hindering our children’s happiness without even knowing it!
Knowing this and recognising the importance of goals setting for ourselves and our children allows us to make a change! We can now focus on consciously encouraging them to begin to think about the achievements that they would like to work towards. This is one of the activities I do regularly as part of my children’s coaching and tuition sessions. One child recently set herself the goal of learning to do the monkey bars, and another to ride his bike without stabilisers. Children, like adults, enjoy the process of setting themselves challenges and get more of the ‘well-being effect’ from their own goals than that of their homework.
It is our privilege as parents to support them in creating that achievement balance with them, making sure they are developing the mindset that allows them to take pride and happiness in the smaller accomplishments daily life offers but also in setting and achieving those bigger goals. What a gift we are giving them through this life-long skill!
So, here it is… our final reflection task:
Start with yourself; as always what we do for ourselves as parents has a domino effect on our families.
Once you are role modelling it, you can start to encourage and support your children to do it too! As a family, start to practise and develop this habit, increasing your dopamine and happiness levels. This will be great for each of you and will have a fantastic impact on your relationships at the same time.
As your children practise these, you will see that they will begin to increase their transferable skills, perseverance, resilience and self-confidence!
I hope you have enjoyed this journey and have started to implement the steps shared through the activities in our support resources.
We would love to hear how you get on in building your habits, challenges and successes!
