How to be true to yourself. 5-ways to find your inner voice as a mother.
5 min read
As we go through our journey of motherhood and life in general, we are constantly bombarded with messages from our culture, society, and media (including social media - hello Instagram!). All these external voices are trying to tell us ‘Who we should be’, ‘how should we behave’, ‘what should we care about’, ‘what makes a good mother/ woman/ wife/ friend’.
When we are going through big life changes such as a career change, going back to work, moving countries or having children, when we can be particularly susceptible to all these voices. We are like a sponge absorbing all the external messages. It’s not strange to feel lost or confused amongst all this outside noise.
But, what do we do about this? How can we avoid losing ourselves? We need to balance the external voices with our internal voice, with what is true to us. Finding our truth and speaking our true voice is what will help us stay authentic to ourselves, living a life that feels right and meaningful.
Finding our truth and speaking our true voice is what will help us stay authentic to ourselves, living a life that feels right and meaningful.
5 Ways to Find Your Inner Voice
Reflect on your values.
It’s likely your values have changed after you became a parent. Spending some time reflecting on what’s important to YOU now (not what everyone else says should be important), will help you make decisions that are right and work for YOU and your family. When I did this exercise I was amazed at how much insight I got into my own life!
Identify your own needs.
You are much more likely to get your needs met and therefore be truthful to what you need and what is important to you if you can identify them yourself first and communicate them clearly.
As you do this, remember we have many needs, from the basic physiological needs to higher needs of self-actualisation. Here’s a list of needs from the Nonviolent Communication website to get you started.Express your needs in a kind and honest way.
Your needs are as important as anyone else’s including your children’s. By communicating and tending to your own needs, not only will you be feeling more nurtured but also you will be modelling this to your children. Being able to look after your own needs is a valuable lesson to pass on!
Practice speaking the truth.
When we communicate, we don’t always do so in a conscious way and sometimes we say things that are not necessarily true because we use automated responses. A common example of an automated response is when someone asks us “How are you doing?”. We rarely say how we really feel. Like this, there are other situations when we might not communicate consciously and make something up just to have something to say.
Give it a try for a day, or even a few hours. Only say something when what you are about to say is true. Otherwise, don’t say anything. You might be surprised at how many times you stay silent! I surely was!!
Journal every day or as often as possible.
Journaling is like free therapy. Practice writing how you feel, what’s in your mind, what thoughts keep coming over and over, what stories are you telling yourself about what you ‘should’ feel/think/do. Then go back and read what you wrote. You’ll be surprised about how much insight you find about yourself! Make this a space to practice speaking your true voice so you can do it in real life too.
(Bonus) Practice active listening.
Communication goes both ways. We can’t talk about communicating consciously and speaking our truth without talking about listening. Active listening involves listening with all senses giving your full attention to the speaker.
When you are having a conversation with someone, stop the urge to think on what you want to say next while the other person is talking. You won’t really be listening to them if you do this. Also, stop yourself from interrupt them and wait until they finish talking.
Women’s circles are fantastic spaces to practice speaking your truth. You take turns at speaking what’s more present for each you in a space free of judgment and expectations.
When someone speaks, nobody interrupts or provides their opinion or their advice so the person speaking can speak freely.
You can also practice active listening in a Women’s circle by being fully present each time someone speaks rather than thinking about how you will respond to what they say.
You can join a women’s circle near you or a virtual one and connect with women from all over the world like TRIBU, my signature mother’s circles which take place online and face-to-face in Barcelona.