The Power of Community in Pregnancy and Parenthood.
5 min read
At the beginning of this month, I was invited to take part in a panel about the importance of creating community during pregnancy, the postnatal period and parenthood. This panel was part of an online event called The Power of Pregnancy and Parenthood Festival organised by lovely Vicky from The Birth Group.
It was such an interesting and inspiring conversation around a topic that is close to my heart and I believe is so important for mothers. In this blog, I will share with you some of the insights that came up and the main things we talked about in this panel.
7 Reasons Why Community is so Important for Mothers
One of the biggest challenges of early motherhood is ISOLATION.
For this reason, in the early months after the baby is born the emphasis on creating community should be around the mother’s needs. Finding the people to listen to her and help her with the challenges she’s facing. Breastfeeding cafes are a great space for this. For many mums, this is one of the first times they go out by themselves with their babies and start feeding in public (this was certainly the case for me). Being in a safe, supportive space, surrounded by other mums going through similar experiences and facing the same challenges can be very reassuring.
We are not meant to mother alone.
Women used to mother together with grandmothers, great-grandmothers, aunties, and other women in the community. They used to help each other, share their wisdom and share the great responsibility of raising children. This is not the case anymore in our modern, isolated, western lifestyle. Now we are pretty much doing it alone! More so if like me, you live in a country that’s not yours, away from most of your family. Now, we need to create these communities and villages for ourselves. Build the support network that we need.
Meeting other mums and being around people is not a synonym for real connection.
As women and as mothers, we need to feel acknowledge and that our feelings and emotions matter… whatever they are. We need to feel validated. Particularly when those feelings are not in line with what we expected to experience in motherhood. For this, we need real connection, being able to be vulnerable and show up just as we are. Facilitated communities, like Women’s Circles, are a great, safe place to find deeper connection - they are spaces to be seen, to be heard and hold in our vulnerability.
Creating community can support your new identity as a mother.
As our babies are born, our role as mothers begins. This role comes with a completely new mindset that slowly starts to become part of our identity. This process takes time. And being able to connect with others and build relationships in this new role will support this process and help you integrate it better. It’s about being seen as a mother and start seeing yourself as a mother.
Connecting with other mums at different stages of motherhood can give you perspective.
It’s great to have people who get exactly what you are going through because they are in the same stage as you. It can be reassuring and validating to see that other mums are having very similar challenges. However, if you are only surrounded by people on the same stage who have the same problems - say with sleeping or feeding, you can’t always help each other out of a rough patch because you are all too immersed in it.
Seeing women who are in the later stages of motherhood, that have been through what you are going through at the moment and are already on the other side can give you perspective and hope. “If she’s been through this and now she and her baby are just fine, then there’s hope for me too!”
Mum and baby classes are a great excuse to get out of the house but they are not always the best place to connect with other mums - particularly for introverts.
These classes are usually aimed for babies, they are short and structured with activities for you do with your little one. They are great for bonding and connecting with your baby in new ways but there’s usually little time and space for you to have decent conversations with other mums during the class. And at the end of the class, most people leave right away to get their little one to nap, feed or whatever the next thing is on their day. And let’s be honest, not all of us have the nerve to ask a stranger’s number to catch up later over coffee and cake… Remember to book some time over the week to do something that’s just for you!
Community is valuable for both the mother and the child.
We all need community. And while on the early days and during pregnancy, these communities are more about the mothers, as they get older, the little ones will also benefit from these connections. They’ll get to see other grown-ups and know that other people can also take care of them. It helps them build trust and confidence.
Overall, creating community can have a powerful impact on your well-being - during pregnancy, the postnatal period and beyond. So next time you think about going to meet other mamas, take part in a mother’s circle or any other type of facilitated group session for mums, know that you are doing this for more than what meets the eye.
Find connection with other mothers withTRIBU, my signature mother’s circles which take place online and face-to-face in Barcelona.