10 Tips to settle your child into childcare.
After so many months of being together all day long, the time has finally come to take my two little ones to nursery. I’ve been waiting for this day for so long!!! With COVID and everything that’s been going on these days, caring after my 2 children became a very exhausting job. Many times during lockdown I found myself wishing they could go to nursery at least for a bit so I could take a break.
Now that the time has come, I’ve been finding it so hard to let them go! Now, that’s an irony!!! It’s crazy how motherhood is full of these types of situations.
I can stop asking myself if it’s the right thing to do and feeling a good dose of mum-guilt for sending them out in these pandemic times.
I know I’m not the only one, I can see the faces of all the other mums and dads waiting outside the nursery going through the same and experiencing a lot of anxiety about taking their kids to a new settling.
So… for any parents out there who are taking their kids to nursery/childminder or school for the first time. Here are some of the tips that have been working for us these days:
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Before the big day
1. Make it special. I used this strategy with my 3 yr old. It’s basically framing nursery or school as a place she’ll finally be able to go because she’s a big girl. This worked for us specially because she hadn’t been to any settling for a long time and she was old enough to understand and know that other kids did go to nursery.
2. Get them involved. After doing my own research first, I took her with me to visit a few nurseries. Even when I’ve already chosen the one she was going to attend, I took her with me to see them and asked her which one she preferred. You could also just drive them around se they familiarise themselves with the new place. This helped her to feel some control in this new life stage.
3. Make sure YOU are comfortable first. Babies pick up on our emotions and if you are not sure about your decision or feel anxious about the place, they’ll pick up on that and it will be harder for them to feel safe when you are not around. Show them you are happy with the place and trust the staff that will care for them.
4. Books and stories. We read books and told stories in anticipation of starting nursery. We talked about the exciting things she’d be able to do, and also how it’s normal to experience different emotions and miss mummy and daddy sometimes. Below are some of our favourite ones. (Book images link to Amazon.co.uk).
Mouse’s Big Day by, Lydia Monks
Going to School. Usborne First Experiences
Starting School Sticker Book. Usborne
I'm Starting Nursery: A Princess Polly book
During the settling period
5. Settling sessions. Every nursery has their own settling process, this might be different now with COVID, as parents are not allowed to enter many schools and nurseries. Whatever their process is, remember it’s not a one fits all, so make sure you discuss it with the staff so you feel comfortable with it. Something we’ve talked about in our nursery, was to extend the settling period of our 20 m old boy if we saw that he was struggling as he’s been experiencing a lot of separation anxiety.
6. Introductions. Some times, support staff fail to introduce themselves to the children. They will already know your little one's name but they seem to forget to tell them theirs. Imagine if you come to a new workplace where everybody knows your name but you have never seen them before! I personally would find that a bit unsettling. So this time, I made sure we asked the names of the different staff members we met.
7. Rip it like a band-aid! This one is for drop-offs: Do not linger. Be short and calm. Say good-bye with a smile as if you were dropping your child to a birthday party not a dentist appointment. Even if they are crying while you say good-bye. Once again, if they see you happy and confident it will be easier for them to settle, after you are gone.
8. Give them a call. It’s ok to phone the nursery to find out how your little one’s doing. They are used to this. Ask whatever you need to know. Staff at nursery will normally be happy to put your mind at ease. I’ve called every day and I’m in the second week. I’ll probably stop calling them next week (maybe…)
9. Avoid the interrogations. It’s normal to feel anxious about leaving your little one in a new environment for that many hours. It’s the only part of their lives of which we don’t know absolutely everything. With the tiny ones it’s easier as you’ll normally get some sort of report, either verbally or written about their day. But with the older ones, there’s not much more than: ‘Today she ate very well and was very happy playing mum’. And as much as I want to question my girl to tell me everything about her day, I try not to overwhelm her with my curiosity. I notice she doesn’t want to talk much about it so I just follow her lead. I read somewhere that nursery is like a day at work for us: You don’t really want to talk much about it when you get home right?
10. Celebrate! After all this is a milestone in their lives. At least during their settling period, you can surprise your little one with a small treat or by doing something fun and special after nursery. This worked very well for us, particularly with my eldest. I brought a treat at pick-up time on the first few days and then after her first whole week at nursery. I wouldn’t do it for a long period as it would soon be something they expect rather than a nice surprise. And if you are like me love a keepsake, here’s one I found in Amazon that I really liked.
One last thing to consider: some children might have some behavioural changes when they start going to nursery as well as with other big life changes such as moving houses or a new sibling. In our case, my 3 yr old has been very clingy and throwing more temper tantrums than usual. My 1.5 yr old has been waking up at night and fighting sleep at bedtime. This and other challenging behaviours are normal during the settling period but they will pass, be patient. (Update: It’s been three weeks for us and I’m pleased to say they are both almost back to normal and we have no more tears at drop-off).
Bonus tip before I go. And this one is about yourself. After you’ve wiped your tears after drop-off (yes, it happens to many of us). Make sure you do something that makes you feel good. Perhaps something you wouldn’t be able to do with your little one around. Go do some exercise, go for a swim, practice the Loving Kindness meditation or just enjoy a hot drink and some cake in peace. Avoid doing the washing, the dishes, or cleaning up. Give yourself the settling days for some self-care. Soon you’ll be back at work or in a new busy routine, so make this a space for you to settle into life without your baby too.
