A Breastfeeding Journey.
How to feed your baby is a very personal decision and if you made the choice to breastfeed your baby, or at least try to breastfeed (whether you succeed or not) you’ll probably agree with me in that breastfeeding is harder than one would expect for such a natural thing and definitely a rather unglamorous endeavour.
I was certainly not expecting to go through some of strangest and most painful experiences in my life: sore nipples, baby not latching, relentless cluster feeding, expressing literally drops of colostrum with a minuscule syringe, tongue tie snipping, bleeding blisters (ouch), feeding a teething baby, relentless cluster feeding, using breast milk to cure everything (including cracked nipples), mastitis, nursing strikes, engorged breasts, breast milk stains everywhere and the ever present scent of breast milk for the first 3 months of breastfeeding and did I mention the relentless cluster feeding… Oh! What a journey!
But having said that, I think the connection with my babies, the bonding, the cuddles, the look of contentment in their face after a feed, the empowering feeling of being able to feed my baby from my own miraculous body, and the feeling of what I could only explain as a ‘high’ on oxytocin were totally worth it. That, and the fact that I could confidently face a 12 hour flight knowing that I had a magic secret to instantly calm my upset baby.
After a rather painful start, I managed to breastfeed my first until she was 12 months and I think we were both ready to stop by then and once we came back from a long-haul trip to Mexico, I stopped breastfeeding her. It was really helpful that she was sleeping through the night and she was only feeding once a day so it was a very smooth transition for both of us.
Then my 2nd one came along, and breastfeeding became our special time together, probably because it was the little time I could dedicate exclusively to him without my 2 year old toddler grabbing all of my attention. I was enjoying it so much despite a bumpy start due to a severe tongue tie, until at 8 months old, he decided to stop breastfeeding overnight.
And like that it was over… our special time, our lie-in in the morning, were gone. He might had been ready to move on, but breastfeeding is a thing of two and I was hoping to carry on until he was at least one, specially because he’s definitely our last baby.
It was a sad and a difficult thing for me to accept... I tried everything to get him back on the breast: doing skin-to-skin (for long as he would stay still), feeding him while he was asleep, using nipple shields… but nothing persuaded him back, and when I found myself casually dropping my nipple next to where my baby was lying down (LOL) only for him to turn his head away, I realised that that was it. And soon, despite expressing once or twice a day, my milk was gone and that was the end of the breastfeeding journey for me.
I made peace with it once my hormones were back to normal and remembered that what matters is that he’s fed, healthy and happy. We were still having some special time together in a different way and it was nice that my husband had the opportunity to share the experience of feeding our baby then with a bottle and it’s something he still enjoys today.
Every journey is different
Everyone’s breastfeeding journey is different, for some it comes easy and painless, but for some it’s a troubled journey full of strong emotions and pain. If you are breastfeeding your baby and are going through any of the less appealing moments, know that you are not alone, you are doing a great job only for trying and that there’s support out there to help you get through it.
Some of these resources are free and run by volunteers like Baby cafes and La Leche League and others are private services like lactation consultants that can be of great help.
And if for whatever reason this isn’t working for you anymore, remember it is your decision, your body and you can stop whenever you want and do whatever works best for you and your family - after all a fed baby is best!
