5 Simple Steps to Postnatal Reconnection
by Mandy Rees
5 min read
5 Simple Steps to Postnatal Reconnection
I’m happy to introduce the new blog from seasonal contributor: Mandy Rees. In her latest post, Mandy explores further the subject of identity in motherhood. She shares some very good tips to reconnect with ourselves in this stage of change and transformation.
I remember feeling a deep sense of disconnect when I became a mum. This was something that I had not expected or prepared for. It’s one of those things that you’re not told - and there seem to be many of those!
As well as feeling disconnected from my body, I felt a sense of loss about my old life. Almost overnight, my ability to do what I wanted, when I wanted, had vanished. My independence had gone. I needed to be at home all of the time to look after my baby. This is pretty obvious I know but I still felt disorientated by it. I knew that having a baby would change things but I hadn’t anticipated by how much or in what ways.
Let me reassure you that lots of mums feel this way. Emotions such as anger, resentment and postnatal rage are more common than you might think. A 2015 Centre for Mental Health Report estimated that perinatal mental health problems affect between 10 to 20% of women in the UK during pregnancy and the first year after having a baby. This ranges from mild anxiety to postnatal psychosis and everything in between. Please talk to someone if you don’t feel right.
There are many ways you can find yourself in motherhood without feeling overwhelmed. Often, these moments of connection can act as a substitute for your old worry-free days - having said that - please plan those in as well.
5 simple steps to postnatal reconnection
Here are five simple ideas to help you feel more like your old self:
Take good care of yourself.
Don’t sacrifice yourself for your baby. Eat nourishing food, go for a walk, enjoy gentle exercise, have a bath, wash your hair and, most importantly, ask for help without feeling guilty. Asking for help frees up precious time to spend on you. You are more likely to feel resentful if you spend no time on yourself. Nobody likes to feel unloved and new mums can be easily forgotten.
Remember what you used to love that doesn’t involve leaving the house.
Do you love to write, read, paint, knit? Is speaking with your friends something you’re really missing? If so, call them. We often forget that phones for speaking to people as well as getting lost in social media.
Move your body.
As soon as you feel ready and it is safe for you to do so, enjoy gentle exercise such as yoga and stretching - there are lots of good online options. This is not exercise to lose weight, this is exercise purely for the pleasure of feeling into your body again. Movement releases endorphins which enhance feelings of wellbeing. Combine this with singing and you are on to an absolute winner. Pick your favourite song and sing like no one is watching!
4. Touch your body.
Just as your baby needs skin to skin contact after birth, so do you. Many of us feel unhappy about the way our bodies look postnatally. I wish we didn’t but we have been programmed to feel that we have to look a certain way. I’m gently reminding you that you don’t. However, running your hand over your body will help to remind you of the amazing thing she has just done; conceived, carried and birthed your baby. Light a candle or dim the lights, play soft music, make sure the room is warm and that you are comfortable. Close your eyes and intuitively caress your body. Notice how you feel as you touch your skin; be kind with whatever emotions come up and don’t try to interpret them. This is about connecting with you again in a way that is safe and kind.
5. Stop comparing or judging; yourself and other mums.
If you find yourself spending hours scrolling through unhelpful social media posts - STOP! All this will do is make you feel unhappy with where you are at the moment; resentful and more disconnected. Remember that you are probably seeing the best version of everyone else's life and comparing that to your reality. Instead, make a list of what you do have, how much more capable you feel at mothering today than you did last week. Celebrate your successes instead of making comparisons with others. Acknowledge that we are all different and that we mother in different ways. Focus on you. There is no way back to being exactly who you were before you had your baby but that isn’t a bad thing. You are different. Motherhood changes everyone and it takes a while to find your stride within it. Some people find this after a few weeks, for others, it takes much longer but you will get there.
When we find a connection with ourselves, we are able to manage and regulate our feelings in healthy ways. We are more confident and feel happier in relationships. We feel more worthy and we set more realistic expectations which are so important for new mums.
You are still you. She is different. Changed but in good ways. We all change. You would be different now from how you were five years ago, whether you had become a mum or not. Change moves you forward when done with kindness and connection.