Top 5 Tips For Managing Overwhelm During Your Baby’s First Few Weeks

4 min read

I’m happy to introduce the first blog from our new seasonal contributor: Mandy Rees, mum of two and the founder of Mother for Life. She is an expert in perinatal wellbeing, yoga and baby massage teacher, a women’s emotional health coach and birth rewind practitioner.
Mandy will be collaborating with The Mothership London over the next few months, sharing some of her wisdoms in the form of blog articles, tips and advice for new parents.

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Becoming a parent is life changing. It is an emotional and physical upheaval. No matter how many books you read or friends you check in with before your baby is born, nothing can fully prepare you for the realities of motherhood. 

Here’s the good news - you aren’t supposed to be fully prepared for it. Mothering is a learning on the job vocation. There is absolutely no way that you can know half of the things you will need to know as your baby grows. Nobody really knows what they're doing. They might look like they do but I promise you; they don’t.

It’s normal for things to feel overwhelming. Every new parent feels overwhelmed. You are not alone.

These simple things can help you manage any anxious feelings during your baby’s first few weeks. Be aware of them during your pregnancy and keep referring back to them when your baby is small.

Top 5 tips for managing overwhelm

Here are Mandy’s top 5 tips for managing overwhelm during your baby’s first few weeks below.

1. Keep your expectations to realistic ones.

It is your job to recover and keep both you and your baby safe. This means doing as little as you can and not creating a list of things to do. Focus on what has to be done and only that. Babies need love, warmth, food and clean nappies. The washing up and driving to the supermarket can wait. There is plenty of time for you to be out and about when your baby is bigger and you have recovered. You also need love, warmth, food and reassurance. You cannot repeat this to yourself enough because your drive to ‘do’ will kick in. You simply need to ‘be’.

2. Give in to the tiredness and rest.

You are going to be exhausted. This is a whole new level of exhaustion because it continues. It’s not like a very late night followed by a lie in. It’s all those late nights piled up, one after the other. Remember that rest doesn’t necessarily mean sleep. Sitting back on the sofa with your baby on your lap is rest. Gazing out of the window or grabbing a mindful moment as your baby feeds is rest. The key to mindful rest is clearing your head of those busy thoughts and letting go for a short while. Try connecting with your breath. Count as you breathe in and breathe out and follow the flow of your breath as it softens. Your body follows. Do not rush around tidying the house when your baby is asleep. Give yourself a break and sleep too.

3. Get your head around asking for help.

This can be a tricky one because you might not be used to doing it. Society has created this myth that a capable mother does it by herself. This is nonsense. Some capable mothers do but most of us are very capable and also need help. Create a list of Champions. These are your trusted people who will be there for you when you need them. Decide who they are when you’re pregnant and make sure they know that they're on your list!

4. Make sure you do have some time to yourself.

This is time without your baby. Time when you can sit back and allow yourself to be lost in your own thoughts. Your birth as a mother is a monumental moment in your life and you need to get your head around that. You’re probably going to feel guilty about wanting to be away from your baby. Don’t. You’re entitled to space too.

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Read 10 ways to be kind to yourself.

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5. Be honest about how you are feeling.

Give yourself permission to feel all the feels. Hormone levels are all over the place in the days immediately after birth. Then your milk comes in and chances are that you will cry at everything - I’m talking about day 3 or 4 - I cried because we had run out of tomato ketchup! Baby blues are normal but if it starts to feel more than this, such as the inability to sleep or eat or intrusive thoughts that worry you, speak with your partner, friends or your health visitor. Trust your instincts. If you don’t feel ‘right’ you probably aren’t. Don't be ashamed of any of the emotions you are feeling. Mothering is harder than most of us imagine it’s going to be and it really is normal not to like all of it. The most important thing is that you talk to someone. People can only help if they know what’s really going on. I suffered from postnatal depression and did not ask for help. This made it a very difficult few months for my partner and I. Honesty and communication are really important.

Mothering gets easier with time. It is much easier if you are happy, well, rested and loved.

1. Keep your expectations to realistic ones.

It is your job to recover and keep both you and your baby safe. This means doing as little as you can and not creating a list of things to do. Focus on what has to be done and only that. Babies need love, warmth, food and clean nappies. The washing up and driving to the supermarket can wait. There is plenty of time for you to be out and about when your baby is bigger and you have recovered. You also need love, warmth, food and reassurance. You cannot repeat this to yourself enough because your drive to ‘do’ will kick in. You simply need to ‘be’.

2. Give in to the tiredness and rest.

You are going to be exhausted. This is a whole new level of exhaustion because it continues. It’s not like a very late night followed by a lie in. It’s all those late nights piled up, one after the other. Remember that rest doesn’t necessarily mean sleep. Sitting back on the sofa with your baby on your lap is rest. Gazing out of the window or grabbing a mindful moment as your baby feeds is rest. The key to mindful rest is clearing your head of those busy thoughts and letting go for a short while. Try connecting with your breath. Count as you breathe in and breathe out and follow the flow of your breath as it softens. Your body follows. Do not rush around tidying the house when your baby is asleep. Give yourself a break and sleep too.

3. Get your head around asking for help.

This can be a tricky one because you might not be used to doing it. Society has created this myth that a capable mother does it by herself. This is nonsense. Some capable mothers do but most of us are very capable and also need help. Create a list of Champions. These are your trusted people who will be there for you when you need them. Decide who they are when you’re pregnant and make sure they know that they're on your list!

4. Make sure you do have some time to yourself.

This is time without your baby. Time when you can sit back and allow yourself to be lost in your own thoughts. Your birth as a mother is a monumental moment in your life and you need to get your head around that. You’re probably going to feel guilty about wanting to be away from your baby. Don’t. You’re entitled to space too.

5. Be honest about how you are feeling.

Give yourself permission to feel all the feels. Hormone levels are all over the place in the days immediately after birth. Then your milk comes in and chances are that you will cry at everything - I’m talking about day 3 or 4 - I cried because we had run out of tomato ketchup! Baby blues are normal but if it starts to feel more than this, such as the inability to sleep or eat or intrusive thoughts that worry you, speak with your partner, friends or your health visitor. Trust your instincts. If you don’t feel ‘right’ you probably aren’t. Don't be ashamed of any of the emotions you are feeling. Mothering is harder than most of us imagine it’s going to be and it really is normal not to like all of it. The most important thing is that you talk to someone. People can only help if they know what’s really going on. I suffered from postnatal depression and did not ask for help. This made it a very difficult few months for my partner and I. Honesty and communication are really important.