An Opportunity to Reshape Motherhood.
4 min read
Covid has brought our beliefs, habits, wellbeing and goals crashing to the ground. Why not use this opportunity to reshape motherhood so it is actually suited to Mothers? Christmas is a time of rebirth, forgiveness, acceptance and kindness. Perfect! We need a new foundation for modern Motherhood anyway. What better reason (although we should not need one) to reshape our role than COVID? When so much is in flux anyway?
Did you know that Motherhood as a concept is a man-made, fairly recent social invention, cobbled together through the eras, to look as it does now? The concept of ‘Motherhood’ as an active profession (duty, calling, occupation, pilgrimage), has been built throughout our history with one brick added here, another 2 there etc, depending on technology, finances and political pressures. Not depending on what is necessarily best for Mothers, Children or Families. None of these historic bricks fit into our high tech, isolated, current reality. So why should we keep them?
Why not use this opportunity to sweep away those old beliefs and pressures and lay a strong foundation for Motherhood? A foundation that is suited to our current needs with the knowledge and resources we have today. Who best suited to do this but us, Mothers?
We all know that our family life would pretty much fall apart without us. Our practical, organised and multi-tasking selves are already at the centre of our family life. Why don’t we actively put our emotional selves in the centre too? This way we can promote the health and happiness of our whole family, not just others. This way we will be showing our children how to look after themselves and create balanced and healthy relationships. This way we might actually maintain our own emotional and physical needs and have a chance at enjoying our own lives as well as our children.
Here is our opportunity to change, adapt, throw the old shell of ‘Motherhood’ away, and start again. Don’t worry this will not add to your never-ending ‘To Do List’ of presents, shopping lists, Christmas cards, covid tests etc. In fact, quite the opposite. This is a way of simplifying and focusing.
How do we take this unnatural step of prioritising ourselves?
Why don’t we decide what we want our lives to look like and start aiming for that? Why don’t we decide what we want for our children as they grow, and start creating it right now, one small step at a time?
Imagine you are asked to create your perfect Motherhood role, what would this look like? Make a list (mine keeps getting longer and longer!). Then start very small. The younger your baby is, the smaller you should start (being creative takes energy which you probably have little of at the moment). Everyone talks about Motherhood as a ‘Journey’. In my experience, this journey is currently pre- pegged, cordoned off and signposted to another’s previous route. What about my Journey? What about the route I want to take? This is your chance to take your own path, learn on the way, make your own mistakes and get back up again. Remember it takes a lifetime and beyond to fulfil this role, take your time. Be forgiving and accepting of yourself.
What is wonderful about doing it this way is that you are free to create and choose your own path, developing alongside your children as you yourself grow, as a mother and a woman. What is even better is that it is Christmas, so any family traditions and behaviours you choose you can start implementing straight away!
What can be good about COVID and having a newborn is that you are naturally restricted from racing ahead and you have a ‘good’ reason to ask for peace and quiet or regular help. Utilise COVID. We are mothers, we are flexible and resourceful. COVID is mostly exhausting, stressful and a pain in the neck, but maybe it has its uses.
I want my son to experience these 3 family traditions at Christmas. If I manage nothing more than this, that is ok.
Christmas Wreath. I sometimes have to drag myself to the Christmas box and dig this out but once it is up I always feel better!
Poinsettia- My mum always had these at home over Christmas when I was growing up, so now I try and make sure I have one in the kitchen. This is completely for me, I love it!
Stickman! I love stickman. We went to see it at the theatre in December 2019, I am not sure who was more transfixed, me or my son! We cannot go to the theatre at the moment so we make do with watching stickman on iPlayer over and over and reading the gorgeous book.
Tips on getting around those obstacles!
Remember to question parts of your role that are put onto you from the outside (social media, family expectation etc). As they come up, (perhaps like a fork in the path) you can identify them, assess whether they are useful to you or not and then either use them or let them go.
Try not to get frustrated. If one of your chosen traditions at Christmas is to go Carol Singing with your baby or child, and you cannot get there due to covid, decide to get creative. As if there is a landslide blocking your path and you must decide on another route. Find a live video stream, create your own choir at home, or simply pick a few carols to sing with or to your children. Remember this is not forever. But we do need to be creative in the meantime 🙂
