Honour Your First 40 Days
5 min readI’m happy to introduce the final blog from our seasonal contributor: Mandy Rees. In her last post for The Mothership, Mandy covers a very important subject that very often is overseen by many mothers in Western countries: honouring the first 40 days post-birth.
Throughout the world, mothers are honoured after having given birth. The first 40 days are seen as a container in which she is held, bathed, fed and looked after so that she does as little as possible.
Life with a newborn baby is hectic; the steep learning curve, new worries and sleepless nights to name but a few. All of these make it very easy for us, as new mums, to forget to honour ourselves. Please be one who remembers.
The first forty days after the birth of your baby are precious days for you to focus on your own healing and bonding with your baby. Even if you feel really strong, your body is repairing on the inside and she will repair more quickly if she rests and is nourished.
Throughout the world, mothers are honoured after having given birth. The first 40 days are seen as a container in which she is held, bathed, fed and looked after so that she does as little as possible. Originally, this was to aid recovery and milk production because babies did not fare well if their mother was not able to produce the milk they needed. Today, we don’t always need this time to help our milk supply but we have many other pressures and expectations that hinder our recovery. I help many new mums who feel guilty about taking time for themselves.
I believe that cases of postnatal depression, overwhelm and anxiety would be kept in check if mothers were cared for in this way and if society supported us in our choices. If you want to stay at home or with family and be cared for, you do that. Do not worry about what anyone else thinks.
This is something to get your head around before your baby is here because your head will be in a completely different place at that point. Guilt will kick in. It’s simply there. Put plans in place now, tell family and friends what you are doing and ask them to support your decision. You can always alter it a bit if you want to. It’s easier to ask for less help than it is to ask for more.
Start by making a plan. Who are your champions? Who are the people that you need around you to implement your plan? Your partner might be home for a few days but who will help after that?
Do you have a Go-To List of local support such as lactation consultants, infant feeding teams, your health visitor, tongue tie advisors, physios, postnatal doulas, other mums to message, etc? Most people are now offering virtual support so you can still receive this at home. Recover in a supported way.
Read: Top 5 Tips For Managing Overwhelm During Your Baby’s First Few Weeks. By Mandy Rees.
Learning to ask for help is essential. We are not designed to mother alone.
These are some things that you can do as part of your honouring of yourself:
Rest as much as is possible and limit the number of visitors you have. Any visitors are to be pre-advised that they need to look after you when they visit. Don’t be afraid to set boundaries that work for you.
Take each day as it comes. Expect to feel overwhelmed but don’t judge those feelings. A breathing practice can aid recovery and mindset. When you feel that things are starting to get too much, focus on the length of each breath, counting as you breathe in and breathe out. Breathe like this until you feel better.
Lie in bed enjoying bonding skin to skin time with your baby.
Take as much time as you need to feed your baby without being rushed by anyone.
Eat nourishing warm foods such as teas, soups, roasted root vegetables, stewed fruits and porridge. Bone broths are amazing.
Eat healthy fats such as nut butter and avocado.
Stay close to your baby. In the Indian Sikh tradition, only the parents hold the baby and a mother stays no further than 9 feet away from her baby at all times, so as to allow the two auric or spiritual fields to gently begin to separate.
Create your sacred space with your baby - your nest. This could be your bed, a cosy chair downstairs. Make sure it has everything you need in it; drinks, cushions, books, spritz spray, room temperature water.
Batch cook before your baby arrives or create a rota of people who have agreed to bring you meals.
Consider hiring a postnatal doula or sleep consultant if you can afford to. We don’t all have family close by to call upon.
Let go of any thoughts that all the other mums are ‘out there’ drinking in coffee shops, looking glamorous and generally living their best lives. They really are not. Be in the moment and let go of thoughts like this.
Read: 5 Simple Steps to Postnatal Reconnection By Mandy Rees.
As a mother, you are the cornerstone of your new family. You can’t perform that role effectively unless you take care of your own physical, emotional and spiritual health. If you don’t do this from day one, it becomes increasingly difficult to make time for it as your baby grows. You will soon find that you are trying to run on empty and that others will expect you too.
Set your own self-care expectations high and don’t feel any shame in doing so. This will make your transition into motherhood feels smoother, safer and much more enjoyable. You are also setting a fantastic example to your peers and also role modelling for your own children because they will ask you how you spent the first few weeks of their life. Is there anything more precious than telling them that you spent it looking after yourself so that you were as strong as you could be to love them?