Back to work? Discover your new working mum identity.
8 min read
Back to work? Discover your new ‘working mum identity’.
In a world where motherhood is so often overlooked and underappreciated by society, I am so pleased to be part of an increasing amount of support that is now out there for new mums. Particularly when finding out what being a working mum is all about.
As a new mum myself I was able to find (if I looked hard enough of course) support for birthing my baby, feeding him and keeping him alive and thriving. I was able to connect with other mums, go to playgroups, pandemic permitting, and begin to embrace this new world I had entered. As a new mum, it can feel like you yourself have been reborn. The world we experience feels different, the relationships we have with people can feel different and sometimes even the food we once loved doesn't taste the same!
Our rebirthed identity kicks in a bubble of exhaustion, adrenaline and love….followed by more exhaustion. Those maternity leave days can be full and fulfilling for sure, but they can also be lonely, tiring and even a little unfulfilling...Yes, I said it!
As mums, we often feel that the right answer is “I love spending every moment with my children and wouldn't want anything more”... and for some of us, this is absolutely the case. We can get all of our fulfilment through and alongside being at home with the children. However, this is not the case for others of us. Some of us just can’t wait to get back to work after maternity leave. AND THAT IS OK! There is no right or wrong way to feel as a mum and one feeling does not make you a better or worse mama.
What happens when the maternity bubble pops and we find ourselves in-between worlds? The world we once knew can feel so far removed that it is no longer recognisable, feeling unfamiliar and at times unwelcoming!
I am talking about the return to work or to some sort of professional life! Whether it is through financial obligation, the love of the work we do, or the need for mental stimulation outside of the mum role; many of us mamas hit yet another shift in identity when our maternity leave comes to an end.
AND WOW, how becoming a mother impacted the way I saw my work! The way I responded to my emails. The way I arrived each morning. The way I left each evening. The way I responded to last-minute requests or demands that impacted my day and could potentially run past the time I finished. What had once been a huge part of my passion, my purpose and my fulfilment had become a chore, an inner conflict and a source of the biggest, and most all-encompassing, mum guilt that I have ever experienced.
So what happened? Why does mum life spill over so heavily into our work life and into everything we do, and how do we truly make the adjustments we need in order to survive, and thrive ourselves?
I believe the truth is in the PURPOSE. During our pre-parenting days, we were able to search, find and immerse ourselves in things that gave us purpose and fulfilment. For many, our work may have been a huge source of this, providing a large part of our identity and offering a sense of achievement and fulfilment. Sometimes that was coupled with, or supported by, hobbies and other outlets such as that daily run, trips to the gym, a quick swim, that book we disappeared into, or a great film that we loved to absolve ourselves into. Our purpose may not have even been questioned as there was nothing rivalling it.
I know I am not alone when I say, mum time and pre mum time moves very differently; that hour turns into 20 minutes and that 20 minutes turns into less than 5 when working with mum time. The things that once fulfilled us and provided us with purpose may no longer fit the schedule or perhaps simply just don’t fit with our new identities. Identity is certainly an area I work on often, not only with the mums that I work with but also for myself, and our work identity is a huge area that shifts once becoming a mum. Unfortunately, too often as mothers, we forget that the effects of these shifts ripple into every area of our lives in different ways. Providing us with different, but equally as impactful, challenges.
As we step into these new shoes, and out of the door into our new world we can find ourselves feeling unclear, unsure and unprepared for what we are to do next. Of course, we are all human and sometimes none of the shoes fit well. However, it appears that we all seem to find ourselves dropping into one or another of three main pairs of mama shoes when it comes to working:
What type of Working Mum are you?
Are you a New Purpose Mama?
As a new mummy, it can feel like your purpose is no longer the same.
That you have either the calling to stay with your little ones as long as they need you and provide them with all they need or a call elsewhere, outside of the role you once had. You may no longer have that fulfilled from your current job, but not have the desire to start your own thing or go freelance. The idea of running your own business might not ignite your inner fire and you may feel constricted by time. You may feel fulfilled by staying at home with your children, starting a new hobby or developing social connections. For other “new purpose mummies”, it might be that they want a new role, whether that is part-time or full-time, it is the change of direction that they are exploring, ways to support the world in a new way.
Are you a Back to Work Mama?
For some back to work mamas, the role they left is still the one they love and still provides them with what they need. They may not want to change the role and are able to step back into it with confidence and ease. However, this is not always the case and for many their roles might not feel the same. Although the role is what they want to do, their priority has shifted and their needs and expectations changed. They may want to stay in their field but look for flexibility to support with their new time restraints or more financial security or a company more in line with their new values.
Are you the, Build My Own Thing Mama?
Perhaps you have found a new calling but want to create or deliver it in your own way. Having that desire for a new challenge that allows you to step into a new world and work to your own rules. For some mummies, those old shoes don’t fit but there are none premade that feel right either. They want freedom, challenge, passion, fulfilment and flexibility in a world they themselves run. This identity shift has enabled them to not only see the world differently but see the opportunities they have to support that change. This can also be combined with that “new purpose mama” feeling of finding something totally new on your bow and wanting to run with it.
Or perhaps you are a mixture, perhaps you are heading back to work to a job you love but are wondering if it is still right. Wondering if you want to start your own thing or make a change….
Knowing what you want isn't always easy, especially when it is mixed with knowing what you ‘should do.’ The fear of financial struggle, the fear of not being good enough, not being capable, not being confident enough or even just the overwhelming feeling of not having the time to think about it.
The truth is, knowing the answer to our questions can not only increase our capabilities, productivity and confidence at work, but it can also do the same at home too! Those mum life spillages can work all ways…. The whole 360!
Time to grab a pen and take some time to ask yourself the following questions and write your answers down.
JOURNALLING PROMPTS TO FIND YOUR NEW YOU?
What are the things in life that you truly value?
Is the company/role in alignment with these?
What fulfilment do you get and from where?
Does what you do give you the fulfilment you need?
What do you love/hate about your role?
If anything, what would you like to change?
Who has the power to make that change?
If you would like to explore more about your new values, dig deeper into your new identity or shine a light on where you would like to be within your work life, you can book your free 30-minute coffee catch up directly with me (All my details are below in my bio). All The Mothership blog readers will get 10% off our MuME Transitional workshops starting in November. Where we explore a range of strategies and activities together to support the different areas of mum life. For more information and to receive your discount, email me directly with the code #TheMotherShip10
